Spice Up Your Sex Life With 14 Tips From Experts
We added a little cinnamon to our new beer, Foxy, and that got us wondering: what else can we add some spice too?
We pulled together hot tips by intimacy experts for you to try, or save for later, in celebration of all things spicy.
Leave something on during sex - from heels to pearls - to bring out your sexy side. Men, try going commando and unzipping jeans for a hotter experience. Doing the opposite of what you usually do can be exciting, says Dr. Juliana Morris.
Plan a date with your S.O., acting like you're meeting up without your regular partners. Create an atmosphere of sexual freedom, and feel the anticipation for the night.
Creating a safe space to feel sexually uninhibited can scratch the itch of trying something taboo, or having a night that feels risqué. For some, the act of getting ready for the date in itself is can start spicing things up.
To make it a fun night, use your imagination and don't stick to your usual haunts. Choose a different spot, wear something you don't usually wear, and arrive separately. This is your opportunity to be sneaky... together.
Vanilla, Mint, Strawberry. We are not talking about ice cream flavours.
Even if you aren’t a fan of oral, knowing a lubricant is flavoured implies it is edible. And who doesn’t like knowing they are using food-safe products in and around their sensitive spots?
Flavoured lubes come in water-, silicone-, or oil-based varieties, each with its own fun, flirty, fruity flavours. The main point of flavoured lube is to bring the sense of taste to the bedroom, enhancing your experience.
To add to this, you really should have every orgasm’s best friend in the bedroom, lube. Lube not only can add flavour to the experience, but it can also make sex more comfortable by reducing friction, which also means barrier protection is less likely to break. There is also evidence that lube can make sex last longer.
Need help pick the right lube for you? Try this Dame article: What Lube Should You Be Using?
What does the kitchen counter, hallway, or couch have in common? It isn’t your bedroom. Add new smells, sounds, lighting, locations, and textures to spice things up.
Exploring your sexuality beyond the bedroom can bring you and your partner closer, help you discover what turns you on, and empower you sexually.
Here are 5 spots to tickle your imagination:
"One advantage of sharing your sexual fantasies is that they may just come true with your partner," Dr. Lee Phillips, Psychotherapist, and Certified Sex & Couples Therapist
Your partner may find it enticing, and it can reduce feeling shame because they're validating your erotic imagination. It can revitalize your sex life and promote honesty in a relationship.
Not sure how to start? Dr. Phllips recommends:
Create a comfortable and secure environment. Pick a private and distraction-free place. And if saying things out loud is intimidating, write it down. You can make this a fun date night that is about sharing versus acting on the fantasy.
Start small. For example, if you fantasize about them waiting naked and ready for you when you get home. They can try wearing sexy lingerie you pick together. Set aside a night to play together. It gives permission to break out of habits and prioritize intimacy. You can enjoy the process of getting there and making multiple dates out of one fantasy.
Break the stigma. You are not alone if you are worried you may be judged, even if fantasies are natural. That is why feeling connected, in a safe place, and ready for honesty is important. Make a no-stress exciting bucket list together. If you and your partner don't both agree, put it on a "maybe" list and talk about it again later.
Sexting can be a fun, playful way to let your partner know you're thinking of them. It doesn't have to be always naughty, but rather about building anticipation.
Here are some tips to get you typing:
Timing is key: Think about where they are and what they are doing. They may not want to kickstart a steamy conversation while out for lunch with their parents.Slow down: This is about building anticipation. Send a cute (or sexy selfie), or send a suggestive message to nudge the sexting door open. Like “Remember when you (we) _____? It felt so good, I am daydreaming about it”
Don’t break character: You are playing the part of the horny partner, and your words and photos are about painting an image for them. Stick to the slow build, be a tease, and remember you are in control.
Stay in your comfort zone: Sexting can still be as innocent as “I can’t wait to be home and give you all my love” or as risque as sending a nude.
Before you send the nude: Give your partner a heads-up! They may not be in a place to open a nude. It can be as simple as “I want to show you what I am not wearing, safe to send my “outfit? 😉”
Sexy Library: If you think sexting will be fun for you, set aside some time to try a couple poses and outfits and save them in a private folder on your phone. They will be ready to go when you are ready to sext. Need help? Try this article: An Adult Model Explains How to Take the Best Nude Selfies
The messy chaos of everyday life is anything but a turn-on…but a tidy hotel room with a nicely made bed, a Do Not Disturb sign and room service? Now that’s sexy.
Remember to pack for fun also. Here are some ideas:
- Lingerie you feel sexy in
- Tasty lube
- A couple scented candles
- Skip to our game suggestion for a game or
- Kama Sutra for Beginner's Guide
- Yummy Massage oil
Feeling tired, full, and bloated can be an intimacy killer. Have sex before going out or dinner. You may find yourself enjoying your main meal more than you thought after the workout.
We made a partner “fill in the blank” position game. Bring it to your Staycation, or tuck it into the bedside drawer and play the guessing game on your next date night. Each position on the card has one of the two partners visible, but playing around see if you can figure out what the invisible partner is doing.
Need more? Try 356 Days of positions... Kama Sutra, A Position A Day
Masturbate! It’s the top tip from sexperts. To help you learn what gets you spicy, we are giving away a $100 Gift Card to Dame Products. You are automatically entered when you buy Foxy on our website.
Not sure how to start, or want some tips? Try this article by Dame: A Beginner's Guide to Masturbation
Blindfold your partner, turn on the sensual music and explore with objects like ice, feathers, melted wax, and coconut oil. They will be more aware and excited for the sensations that are about to come.
Wondering about all your senses? Try this article by Dame: How The Five Senses Can Intensify Foreplay
Adding a sex toy can be like having a third party without the emotional attachment. To encourage you to try, when you buy Foxy on our website you are automatically entered to win a $100 Dame Products gift card.
Clear your calendar, you won't want to rush the pleasure with this spicy tip. Outside of building intimacy and connection, here are three reasons we vote you try slowing things down:
Slow can be better sex:
Most people agree the primary motivation of sex is pleasure. So if you are gunning for the orgasm, you may be by passing a build-up of pleasure. Studies show tactile stimulation of body regions can trigger arousal, which is why slower sex can be better. Or said another way, we kind of miss the hot spots that are erogenous zones as we hurry. Setting a goal to extend foreplay by 10-15 minutes can give you time to explore and build up your pleasure, and still hit the big O.
Slow Sex is better for vulva-havers:
Studies show that on average vulva owners take about 14 minutes to orgasm, and some research claims longer. Penis havers on the other hand average about 5 minutes. You can see the issue pretty quick. Extend your foreplay and close that pleasure gap.
Get a better Orgasm:
Research shows the longer one draws out sexual activity, the stronger the orgasm. This technique, known as orgasm control, start-stop method, or edging, is growing in popularity for the same reason - stronger orgasms. Primarily done during intercourse, it's just as effective when done solo with fingers, sex toys, or a hand and lube. Those who first practice alone are likely to have more success with a partner.
Build sexual tension by watching porn together. Try reading erotic literature to each other too. Even if you laugh, it's a great way to spice things up.
Need help finding sexy vibes that feel good? Here are three options to get you started:
Literotica is one of the oldest erotica sites, offering audio snippets from user-generated stories. From romantic to kinky, great for those that want to read to warm up.
For those that want to close their eyes r/gonewildaudio/ has you covered.
Dipsea creates stories and sessions in-house and with paid contributors and voice actors. They prioritize characters' consent and chemistry and strive to make all perspectives and preferences welcome.
Wondering about Sexy Ethical Porn? Try this article by Dame: Our Favorite Porn That's Both Sexy and Ethical
Unsure how to bring up consuming porn together? Try this article by Dame: How to Talk About Porn With Your Partner